Oh, The Dating Life!

I feel that it is important to understand the nature of love before we can look too deep into why people fall in love. According to the Greeks there are four kinds of love; storge, phillia, eros, and agape. Storge is the kind of love that exists between a mother and a child. Phillia is a love between friends with shared perspectives, experiences, etc. Eros is the kind of love that gets most of us into trouble. Eros is contains passion, arousal, romance, and sexuality. Agape is on the other side of the spectrum as Eros. Agape is Christ-like love. It is tender, kind, and thoughtful. Now that we know what these kinds of love are we can begin to play with them a little bit. What kinds of love are most important for those who are looking to get into relationships? Does it even matter? I want to propose now that it matters a lot how you show your love to the girl or boy that you love.

There is a model that we put together called the RAM (Relationship Attachment Model). It states that we shouldn't trust somebody more than we know them, that we shouldn't rely more on somebody than we trust them, that we shouldn't commit to them more than we rely on them, and that we shouldn't have higher levels of touch than what the commitment level is. I feel that this is very important. There is moderation in all things and this is an important one to get it straight with. Relationships should flow in this order, dating, courtship, engagement, and marriage. Do you see how these two models go together? These should be distinct steps in the relationship process. It is important to walk from step to step and not slide from step to step. Relationships that jump through the hoops super fast are more likely to end in divorce.